"this has been posted on my facebook since Sept. 10, 2013. don’t know why i was so reluctant to share it with you all. enjoy"-Dame
I had a dream a few days ago that you chose somebody else,
But we haven’t spoken in a week, so I kept it to myself.
Didn’t like the way it felt or the places it brought my mind
But I can’t say it’s something new, it used to happen all time.
Tell me that I’m wrong, that I have nothing to fear.
That you want what’s best for me and that you’ll always be here.
That you’ll never forget the things we said and that you’ll always give a damn.
That you won’t get so wrapped up in life that you forget who I am.
It got to the awful point where I wouldn’t even grieve.
People walk into my life and it’s almost guaranteed they’d leave.
That’s why I never truly let them in, but you wouldn’t accept no,
And I had no idea that this reluctant love would grow
It’s like if someone’s begging to love us, who are we to deny?
As I sat there and watched you time an time again pay that price with pride,
You would constantly put all of your emotions on the line
And I’d be forced to cowardly rebuff you every time.
It’s crazy how it’s changed and how our union has progressed.
Can you honestly say this is what you imagined the moment that we met?
For us to both connect and now our future’s uncertain.
Is it possible to find a space where we both aren’t hurting?
I handle goodbyes awfully, so I know I couldn’t take it.
And it’s unsettling to not be sure if we can really make it.
So I guess I don’t know if I’ll always possess your heart.
But I had a dream of it being for someone else a few days ago and I didn’t like the thought
Could Have Been Me.
It was just a normal day, where I was driving to nowhere. Didn’t want to be late, but I had no intentions on hurrying. I encountered the typical traffic jam, but some people were witty enough to switch over into the faster lane and race to beat the red light. I was in the line to attempt, but someone was a bit faster than me that day. I watched as the traffic light turned from yellow quickly to red, before the driver of the silver Honda Accord could get through, the light ultimately claiming victory of the proverbial race. As the car illegally crossed the intersection, it was violently struck by oncoming traffic, killing the lone occupant of the car. This forced the thought to my mind, “wow…could have been me.”
I continued to my destination, arriving at a park, the name of which currently eludes my memory. There I headed to the basketball court to find it was occupied and had people waiting in line to occupy it next. I decided not to test this line in order to avoid some huge calamity from transpiring. I headed back to my car, choosing to cut my losses and try again another day. As I headed back to the car, I noticed a female that I was once madly in love with sitting underneath a tree, alone. I thought about heading over to catch up, possibly to rekindle an old flame. As I started to walk toward her, smiling about the prospects of the conversation we would have, a man and a child went to sit with her before I could reach her. I stopped in my tracks as I watched the child run to sit on his mother’s lap and I watched the gentleman give his lady a kiss on the lips before sitting down to join her. She had a family…and I thought, “This could have been me.”
After this encounter, I quickly headed home, encountering no traffic. It struck me as odd when I saw that it was night as I reached in my pocket for the keys to open the door. Tired from the eventful day that I had, I got on my knees and prayed to God for the strength to handle whatever I would be subjected to in the future. Then I got in my bed and had the wildest dreams that those people were in fact me.
I think I’m dying again.
Now before you write me off as being dramatic, board my train of thought.
You won’t have to walk with me for long for me to explain exactly where I’ve been and where I thought I was headed.
To put it simply, a mistake of mine forced darkness and to elude the shadows, I went numb.
This hurt is a specific one, but I only feel our creator can comprehend it.
Strike my last thought, it’s pretty irrelevant.
Like I was saying, I think I’m dying again.
I’ve entered that room of reflection and I can feel myself having bouts with Regret all over again.
Its wild because I know what happens next.
I will detatch from all and once again become the walking dead.
I wonder if the terminally ill can sense their demise arriving.
To be honest, I thought I burned this entire house in which I currently reside, but what I started to believe in turned out to be a lie, so unfortuanately; here I am.
I’m here dying again and I can see it.
This hurt is so specific, but that’s totally irrelevant.
I’ll be dead soon.